Category Archives: Autisim

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, garden, Parenting, pets, photography

Face Forward!

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“Don’t let something in the past trip you up!”

I read those words on a church sign driving home last night. Not scripture, but wise words nonetheless.

Sometimes we can allow a loss to make us lose sight of all we have gained.

At other times we would do well to change things up a bit and break away from the familiar and open ourselves up to something fresh and new.

Just because something was, doesn’t mean it always will be.

“Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.”  Psalm 30:5 NKJV

In the past, I was plagued with fear. Much of that concerned Lan’s future. He always struggled in school. The constant struggle was something I’d become accustomed to.

This year, through hard work and lots of prayer, has been different.

Yet, I found some old mindsets could still creep in. Doubt. Uncertainty.

I could become fixated on old struggles of just scraping by to earn the required credits.

Freshman biology with the toughest teacher in the school was a struggle. It is still fresh in my mind.

When I met with his guidance counselor last week, I was informed that chemistry was designated as his science for next year when Lan will be a junior.

Instead of looking forward, I was momentarily caught in the anxiety of the past. Lan’s study habits and grades have vastly improved. Yet, chemistry is unforgiving. It is absolute. Abstract.

I asked, solemnly, “Is chemistry required to graduate?”

The counselor’s answer was “No.”

Freshman biology and the physical science Lan is currently taking will suffice for his “required” sciences. He can finish high school taking zoology and anatomy both of which will also help him with graphic design.

If I hadn’t asked, next year could have been very frustrating.

In the past, I wouldn’t have thought to ask if there was an alternative. I would have just accepted the status quo. And struggled.

“you do not have because you do not ask,” James 4:2 NKJV

Sometimes instead of allowing our experiences to make us wiser, we can allow them to encase us in fear. Fear paralyzes. It doesn’t allow us to look forward toward a positive future.  DSC_9566

Now, I’m motivated to explore opportunities as the nation slowly realizes there is a vast need for resources and alternatives in higher education.

One friend who is a university professor informed me there are individualized education programs for college students with special needs. Accommodations for people on the spectrum are increasing.

Instead of my “ideas” about the future, I am learning to trust God and allow Him to reveal His plan for Lan moment by moment.

This isn’t easy for me, but most things that are best for us are never easy. Or quickly revealed.

They require faith.

And in my case, the ability to leave past disappointments, struggles and preconceived notions behind me.

“Face forward.” That’s what Lan said to me last week. Not exactly scripture, but wise words nonetheless.

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12-14 NKJV

 

 

 

 

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, pets, photography

Do Dogs Go to Heaven?

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We lost one of our furry family last night. To say it was traumatic is an understatement.

My oldest took it better. He volunteers at our local vet and has witnessed animals euthanized first hand. Lan, who inspired this blog, had no idea what had happened until it was all over.

Lan was out with a friend when my husband and I rushed Noel to the emergency vet. Hours later, we came home without her. He was asleep.

This morning he cried as we expected, just like us. But for Lan, the death of this dog is something more than the loss of a “pet.”

Taking care of our animals really helped Lan come out of his shell. It was his job to feed them. It was his responsibility to let Noel in and out in the morning. She enjoyed Lan’s tendency to over feed her all the while she was stealing the cat’s food!

Ten years later, we have tears. I explained it’s okay to hurt and cry. Lan asked if he could pray for Noel. I figured it certainly can’t hurt anything. He also asked if dogs go to heaven.

I don’t know.

Yet, I figure since God allowed her to take such good care of us, He would take good care of her. If there is a dog heaven, I’m pretty sure she is there.

Given a bit more time to think, Lan asked about our cat. He looked up something online and decided Lucky should live four more years.

He googled cancer after my poor explanation.

He proudly proclaimed that if Noel could talk she would have said “tell Cam and Lan I love them.”

And she would have.

Years before we gained our initial pet menagerie (three dogs and one cat in less than six months!) I didn’t want any animals. I was adamant. I had enough to do with two young kids and Lan’s diagnosis. My husband traveled seventy-five percent of the time.

Pets would just put more work on me.

Little did I know?

Yes, our animals did give me more work to do but we were blessed by the effect they had on Lan.

Lan was interested in his surroundings, wanted to interact more, felt pride in feeding and tending to his animals. He told people about them! That was a very big deal ten years ago!

I didn’t want pets but God knew what we needed.  last happy Noel picture

Lan talks fine now. Noel taught him about respect, love, compassion, death and loss.

Today he said we should “face forward.”

Not bad advice.

I will be ever grateful for our dear Noel and all she did for us. She was indeed very beautiful inside and out.

Sometimes God gives us what we ask for. Then at other times, He gives us just what we need. 

Oh, give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever. Psalms 106:1 NKJV

art, ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, photography

Frozen!?

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Last year when I was dredging around in the ice, I was mesmerized by the beauty in the midst of our “storm.” Sure, it was messy, inconvenient, cold and even brutal. However, I was able to focus past all the media hysteria and acknowledge what a beautiful picture God created.

My pear trees were coated in ice. To say it was a Winter Wonderland is such an understatement yet, there it was. An event that had been hyped and feared by us southerners was very much a reflection of the beauty within our own personal storms.

I took hundreds of pictures but was continually drawn to the buds on my trees that were encapsulated in ice. Those buds looked practically ripe to begin blooming. Yet the icy beauty that covered them kept them isolated, frozen and helpless.

february 2014 ice storm 127

The buds trapped in ice reminded me of our kids who can appear to be trapped by autism. The beauty is within these children; the potential is there. There is just this layer of “ice” that dares to keep us from seeing that potential. It is almost as if the child gets frozen behind the layers of autism.

Some kids may have more layers than others. Some children may appear to be under a layers of “ice” so thick; one would fear that the bud would be crushed beneath the weight of the ice.

Yet, in the quiet after the storm, the sun came out and melted the ice.

The layers did not evaporate quickly but the tiny drip, drip, drip signaled they were leaving. This process mirrors how I’m dependent on the warmth of The Son, to melt away layers of a diagnosis that threatened to freeze the potential lying dormant in my child.

The ice of autism isn’t holding us hostage. I’ve learned to find beauty in what others consider a storm. I’ve allowed The Son to melt layers and break the barriers that would threaten the potential bloom.

It isn’t important that the ice doesn’t melt all at once…I’m just grateful it melts.

Whenever those icy diagnoses, amended IEPs and “layers” come our way, I won’t allow them to linger. I have faith that the Son is still shining on us and everything will eventually be okay.

art, ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, photography

Take a Break!

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This week my kids are out of school for the break. So, earlier this week my husband and I took the kids to Lan’s favorite restaurant. This place is easily an hour away from our home and it takes a concerted effort on our part to get there.

The kids loaded up in the back of the car eagerly. We laughed and were silly and had a grand time. On the way back home, my oldest son stated he was glad we did it and that we should do it more often. Once I got over the shock that he actually enjoyed hanging out with his parents, I thought more about what he said.

I really should take a break more often.

I am guilty of trying to maximize my time and efforts as much as the next person. I have become a fairly decent multitasker. This ability has probably pushed me to do more than necessary at times when I really should have been recharging instead of using up all of my energy.

I don’t know if it is the fast paced culture I’m living in or my own self-delusions that leave me thinking I should always be accomplishing something, but I am feeling God’s nudge to let go many of my own efforts and to rely instead on His.

There is a difference in being busy and being productive. Sometimes “busy” becomes a habit that isn’t producing much more than anxiety, stress and physical ailments that stem from trying to do a week’s worth of activities in a day.

I am glad I heeded the prodding of the Spirit to “do lunch” instead of tackling my “to do” list! The time spent produced laughter and joy, strengthened family ties, and provided clarity of mind. I could have used that time; instead, to tackle some things I needed to get done but the time wouldn’t have been nearly as productive.

Many of us caring for people with special needs or family members suffering with a long-term illness often burn ourselves out because we don’t rest when we should.  Sometimes we are so stressed and feel mentally compressed that we tackle everything head on when sometimes bit by bit is actually more efficient.

I will take my oldest son’s advice. I am long overdue to take a break from stress, over scheduling, and unrealistic expectations.  I’m going to take breaks more often, getting over those things I allow to hold me hostage and even myself. Only then can I enjoy this life to the fullest. What about you?

Are you overdue for a break?

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-29.

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, faith, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, photography

Growth Spurt!

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It doesn’t seem that long ago that I had to pull the boy hiding behind me into the grocery store. Lan would hide behind my legs and didn’t dare look forward or at the people inside.

Yet, Friday night at the last home game of the season, this same boy now tall and lanky talked with the other teenagers, danced on the side lines and mingled quite energetically with the marching band.

My baby boy isn’t quite so little any more.

It isn’t just his size I’m referring to as he teeters just a bit shy of six feet tall.  His confidence has grown immensely. He’s looking for people he knows in any crowd so he can wave or speak to them. He mingles enthusiastically at the football game not at all deterred by the people. Instead of hiding behind me he is more likely walking away as quickly as possible to keep me from cramping his style.

The small trembling kid once so easily startled, shy and afraid stands tall, asks questions and wants to have is voice heard.

Lan seeks the independence his brother enjoys and is finding a confidence all his own.

He challenged one of his classmates in band and is now third chair with his eye on the second. The young boy who once hated school now actually cares about his grades and takes pride in doing well.

I’m not quite sure what happened and when but my baby boy has grown.  DSC_6826 (3)

And he’s not the only one.

I’ve grown more trusting in God’s ability to handle whatever hiccups come our way. I’ve grown more confident in Lan’s abilities as he takes it upon himself to initiate more of his school work without prompting from me or my husband.

I’ve grown out of the need to have my hand on everything. I can trust others to get the job done and if it isn’t the way I would have done it that’s fine too.

I’ve become less anxious as I’ve seen that the worst case scenario rarely happens.

I’ve grown more thankful as God continues to answer prayers for good breaks, good friends and faithfully provides opportunities I could never have come up with on my own.

Sometimes the most growth occurs when it appears that nothing is happening at all.

A lot of times we pray for things and think that nothing is changing. Everything looks the same. We wait for the answers we have hoped and prayed for to manifest. Sometimes we wait so long it feels like God has forgotten us.

But God is faithful.

I have found the answers I’ve sought in unexpected people, places and things. God has allowed me to grow in my expectations of Him. I can now recognize the unconventional ways in which God has answered some of my prayers.

Lan has grown taller, stronger and more confident. I like to think something has “clicked” as he tackles more challenges with determination instead of fear.

I’ve grown mentally tougher and spiritually stronger as our walk along the spectrum has forced us to enlarge our vision and look for what “can be” instead of settling for “what is.”

We’ve still got a ways to grow both him and me, but thankfully, we are never alone in our journey.

God’s got us.

And for that, I am very, very grateful.

“But grow in grace, and [in] the knowledge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. To him [be] glory both now and for ever. Amen” 2 Peter 3:18 KJV

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, photography

Good Breaks!

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While most of the nation has barely been in school a month, my kids are on their “fall break.” They have nine days of mostly school free time. Families that haven’t headed down south to Florida or up to the mountains are accommodating kids who just want to “hang out.”

This was easier years ago when my kids were much younger. Both boys had the same crew of friends and things were far less complicated.

But as they grew older the boys paths and friends diverged. Cam’s friends were kind enough to tolerate his little brother but for the most part Lan’s interests no longer coincide with theirs. His childhood friends are now interested in those things average teenagers do…Facebook, texting, socializing with other teens.

A while ago, I can’t even remember when, I prayed that Lan would find a friend who actually “got him.” His brother has a tight posse of boys he talks to and hangs with. A circle of friends he can relax with and just be himself.

Lan hasn’t had that for years. Until now.

A couple of months ago a kid from Lan’s graphic arts class walked into the grocery store as we walked out. This kid just came up to Lan and they just start talking very enthusiastically. They went back and forth very engaged in their conversation.

I’m thinking to myself “who is this!?”

His mom seemed as surprised as I was. Apparently, the young man mentioned Lan to his mom before and she suggested they get together some time.

Well today was the day.

This young man came over and the two of them scarfed down pizza, chips and soda. They played video games for hours. With each other.

Just like “regular” kids.

But this time Lan was free to just be himself.

There was no pressure to conform. He wasn’t self-conscious about saying the wrong thing or what someone else would think. He just chilled out with a friend who accepts him as he is.

Lan’s friend has a few “quirks” of his own. In fact, they share some of the same “quirks.” They had a blast!

There have been years of school breaks that have come and gone without Lan having a friend exclusively his own. His brother would go off to hang out with his BFFs and Lan no longer complained to tag along.

But I always knew Lan longed for a friend of his own. Someone who didn’t tolerate him but could celebrate him!

Sometimes I pray to God for so many things I forget the prayer until the answer is staring me in the face. Literally.

And boy did God deliver!

This young man lives five minutes from our house. He is well-mannered. His mom and I hit it off. We are both on the same parenting page.

Sometimes we are so fixed on meeting IEP goals, surviving “common core” and juggling all the other aspects of life, it’s nice to  every once in a while catch a good break!

It wasn’t anything I orchestrated. God just delivered!

This time when Lan’s teachers ask about his Fall break, he will readily say he had a good one!

And I will too.

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.”
Matthew 7:7 NKJV

 

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, pets, photography

Evolution!

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God teaches me things in the strangest of ways.

Which brings me to cats.

I am not a “cat person.” Even though my house is home to one lucky indoor cat, named Lucky.

Seriously.

I feed the Aristocats on my side porch, “Rocky” and three kittens in exchange for not eating my birds, At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it!

“Rocky” is the meanest of three sisters that called my abode home last year. She hissed at us when we put their food out!

I wasn’t surprised when she left for the wild leaving her sisters behind. Out of the original four kittens that once called us “home” I just knew she would never stick around.

One year later, Rocky has kittens in my yard, Shows you how much I know!

Rocky was not an ideal mother. She abandoned the runt. She bullied her litter mate “Gracie.”

Eventually, Gracie tired of her sisters shenanigans and camped out on the porch in spite of her. Gracie even nursed Rocky’s abandoned kitten.

Rocky merely looked on, unimpressed!

I don’t think Rocky was feeling the whole parenthood thing. I think her newfound responsibilities were overwhelming.

We’re not quite sure just what happened but poor Gracie died. Yet, shortly thereafter I found Rocky nursing both her sister’s kitten and the kitten she abandoned!   DSC_2934 (3)

Rocky evolved into a good mother.  I’ve seen her licking unwilling kitties clean!

She matured and does what needs to be done.

Maybe Rocky didn’t understand her role before. Maybe grief for her sister stirred something in her. Regardless, her mothering skills improved.

I think this cat family found a place in my heart because I can relate to Rocky.

I’m not sure I always dealt with Lan’s diagnosis “correctly.” In the beginning, I didn’t have a clue.  But like, Rocky, I eventually got the hang of it.

I’m no longer weary and afraid. The uncertainty and my stress are much much less!

I’ve evolved. I understand my role better. I’m probably a bit more nurturing to my “kitten.”

Looking back, God did the same for me. God engineered my evolution so I can be the mother I need to be.

Some lessons God reveals when we take time to “see” them and “hear” Him.

This isn’t the first time God has used a cat to teach me how less than ideal situations can work out unexpectedly.

And I suspect it won’t be the last.

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, photography

While We Wait…

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There are times in life when we have a dream, vision or even a promise that we are waiting for God to fulfill in our lives. However as we wait for the manifestation we may not always wait with a faith-filled expectation. Our sense of urgency doesn’t always correlate to God’s timing or His deliverance.

Our determination to stay in faith often wanes with the time required for our loved ones to reach their full bloom. Progress isn’t always made when we expect it. We may experience setbacks and false starts. Time spent waiting, disappointments, and unfair circumstances may move us to manipulate situations as our trust breaks.

Or, we can become bitter and angry when we are forced to face the unexpected.

God is faithful in the waiting period. In times of complete silence or when you are at your lowest point is often when God is working on your behalf!  DSC_0376 (2)

The book of Genesis tells the story of Joseph and how he was sold into slavery by his brothers, lied upon, tossed into prison and spent years waiting for the fulfillment of his dream.  Joseph was faithful during his period of waiting. He knew that God was with him. Joseph worked faithfully in his adversity serving others. Joseph was faithful to God through repeated temptation. He didn’t become bitter. Joseph was eventually delivered from a pit into the palace!

Sometimes God allows us to wait through “low” times to prepare us for what is ahead. Waiting develops character and tenacity. Some blessings we ask for we aren’t able to correctly manage…yet. We must not lose faith that God does hear us.

Joseph endured his period of waiting with the right attitude. I can’t say I’ve always done the same. However, I am learning to trust God and His timing more than ever.

God can answer my prayers more efficiently than the meager results of my own misplaced efforts. My prayers aren’t just about me or my kids. We are only pieces in an infinite puzzle that only God can put together. I can’t count how many times Lan’s teachers have said they have learned so much from him.

I don’t always understand what is going on. But I do trust and know that despite my frustrations God provides the blessing when it is needed most.  

I have prayed certain things about my children’s growth and development not knowing what would happen or what to expect. Things haven’t always looked good. Yet, faithfully God and only God turned situations completely around! 

DSC_0379 (2)What God has done for me He can surely do for you. If you trust Him…and are willing to wait.  

“Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord,” Psalms 27:14 NKJV

ASD, Autisim, Faith and Spirtuality, Parenting

Progress Report!

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My kids have been in school about six weeks now so their first “progress reports” were issued last week. This is the first time Lan has ever started the school year so well. His Cs and Bs have been replaced with As and Bs!  I think even he was surprised by how well he’s done.

Now many kids on the spectrum make straight As with little effort. Their “gifts” allow them to be scholastic geniuses. Yet there are other kids like mine who struggle in school. Every good grade is fought for. There is no real “down time” from school. Their work never seems to end.

If I didn’t work full-time my kid would probably have straight As. This is what I thought through the years. In fact, I was angry that I could not “be there” for Lan when I thought he needed me most.

Yet, God had other plans and I do believe I’m seeing the fruit of Lan’s labor.

Since I haven’t been readily available, Lan has learned how to get by without me.  He has to study on his own, learn to organize himself (still working on that one!) and keep track of his assignments. He fights for every grade and works harder than most to achieve satisfactory results.

He has learned to work independently.

We’ve come a long way from those elementary years of playing “catch up” and even the middle school years of “keep up.” There were tears and frustration both his and mine. But they now seem like distant memories finally fading away.

I couldn’t imagine this even as I prayed for it many years ago. This small ray of academic achievement once appeared to be impossible. But with God all things are possible.

My guilty tears were all for naught. I’m very proud of the progress Lan is making without me. God knew I couldn’t always “be there” if Lan was to ever become independent.

At Friday’s football game Lan spent time on the other side of the stadium with his old friends from middle school. It was a far cry from this time last year. I wasn’t worried or preoccupied that I couldn’t see him. He hung out with his friends just like any other kid. I sat in the stands and relaxed like any other parent.

We’ve still got a ways to go but we are both maturing and stretching our wings a bit. Just like a butterfly that has to work its way out of the cocoon, the struggle comes before the flight. Years ago, when I thought my circumstances were terrible, God was in control the entire time. I can see it now.

I’m learning to get out of the way and allow God to work out situations as He would have them.

I guess Lan and I have both progressed this second year of high school. And for that I am ever grateful.

 

***I’ll be “out of the office” until next week. I will respond to comments when I return 🙂

 

ASD, Autisim, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Parenting, photography

Labor Less!

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“Come to Me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and My burden light.” Matthew 11:28-30 NKJV

In my struggle to relinquish my control freak tendencies, I rely on this scripture time and time again. I learned that I don’t have to conquer my corner of the world in my power.

There was a time in my life where I was working very hard to give my children all my attention. I worked long hours. Then on my days off would I try to cram days of lessons in with Lan, never wanting him to fall behind his peers.

These efforts only brought forth fatigue on my part and frustration on his. When I was at a point when I could no longer do this, a funny thing happened. Lan’s grades improved.

I had no choice but to trust God. I didn’t have the time to prep Lan for those standardized tests. All those practice books went unused. I was at the mercy of his teachers to give him everything he would need.

I was tired. My job was wearing me out. I was trying to balance the needs of two kids who are polar opposites. I was attempting to be a real life
“wonder woman” meeting unrealistic expectations I had imposed on myself.

Finally at this point of burn out, I stopped struggling so much and gave it a rest. I prayed more and worked less.  I found the more I trusted God, the more He did for me.

When I finally stopped running myself ragged and was still, I could hear Him.

I found comfort in the fact that I really don’t have to know it all.

When I don’t have an answer, I now trust God first. Whatever I need will find me.

It wasn’t the quickest transformation, but I don’t want to revert back to where I was.

Casting my cares has been liberating. I am sometimes amused, wondering just how God is going to work certain things out.

So, If you are tired, burned out, or at a loss, don’t wait years like I did.  You will accomplish more when you trust God and choose to labor less!