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ASD, autism, Christianity, mental health, Parenting, photography

Mother Mary…

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The Bible is full of mothers who allowed God to use them to do extraordinary things.  I believe there is no mother more significant than Mary, the mother of our Savior Jesus Christ. She found herself entrenched in unimaginable circumstances.

Just like many of us.

Can you envision a teenage virgin receiving the news you are going to birth the Messiah? Or, how to credibly explain this revelation to the man you have yet to marry?

I suspect Mary struggled with her immense responsibilities. We often forget Mary had other children as well. I doubt any of us can comprehend what was surely a very unusual family dynamic. Mary and Joseph actually lost Jesus only to find him days later. Can you even imagine losing the young Messiah!?

God did not open up the heavens and rebuke them for their carelessness. Likewise, we should cut ourselves some slack when we fail in things far less significant.

Mary is also a great example of how to draw the potential out of our children. One of the first miracles Jesus performed was prompted by his mother.  When Jesus says “my hour has not yet come,” Mary is having none of it.

Instead, she told the servants, “Whatever he says to you, do it.” Upon her  insistence, Jesus turns water into wine at a wedding.

As parents, it is also our responsibility to speak to the potential in our children. This may mean IEPs, tutors, therapy, or simply opening ourselves up to new ideas. Whatever it takes, we must minister to the potential we know is there. Most people doubted Mary and many may doubt us as well. However, we must stand firm on whatever God leads us to do for them.

Lastly, Mary was there for Jesus through His trial. When she saw Him crucified, she didn’t leave Him. A mother’s love can endure and eventually find joy beyond the darkness.  

Everyone has some need.

Some needs are obvious. Others don’t manifest for years. Regardless, God equips us to do those things He calls us to do. Mary was chosen to be the mother of Jesus.

We’ve been chosen too…

Whoever receives one of these little children in My name receives Me; and whoever receives Me, receives not Me but Him who sent Me. Mark 9:37 NKJV

For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
Psalm 139:13 NKJV

ASD, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, mental health, Parenting, photography

Bee Aware!

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April is National Autism Awareness Month. Families, friends and other supporters will “light it up blue,” during the month of April to bring awareness to autism and its impact on all of us.

Some people say autism awareness is great and all but there isn’t anything the average person can do about it.

I beg to differ.

If you have a loved one with any special needs this advice isn’t new to you. However, you may want to share these tips with more than a few well-meaning people you know. One person really can make a difference.

If you can’t say anything nice, etc., etc.

Comments like “I don’t understand why that kid is crying,” or “they need to do something with that kid,” are unnecessary and can be very hurtful. Your casual observation about a situation you know nothing about can be the salt in a wound of someone barely holding on.  How about allowing that frazzled parent to check out ahead of you? Those random acts of kindness are priceless.

Money is good but time is priceless.

Offer to babysit for that parent, especially that single parent who has no one to help them. There is no need to panic fearing they will leave you helpless with their child. An offer of a couple of hours during nap time or in the evening can provide that parent (or grandparent) time to think, get a coffee or effortlessly run to the store. These are things most of us easily do and take for granted.

Don’t compare.

Everything doesn’t work for everybody. I’ve yet to meet many parents who have left any stone unturned trying to find the best therapy for their child. Most parents are already under a lot of stress.  A special needs child can amplify that. Don’t suggest the parent isn’t doing all he or she can possibly do.

Just don’t.

Be inclusive.

Instead of worrying that a child may disrupt your plans for the “perfect”birthday party, think about how inviting that child can be a blessing and a teachable moment for your child, far more valuable than any physical gift.

Many kids with neurological disorders are often excluded from social activities because other parents don’t know what to expect when they arrive. I’ve found through the years children tend to be a lot more accepting than adults.

I challenge you to ask.

Simply asking if a child might enjoy attending lets that family know you are thinking of them. Even if the child can’t attend, parents appreciate the gesture. I’ve watched firsthand how one child feels as his sibling goes off with other kids.

This is hardly a comprehensive list, but at least a few points to think about.

I’ve learned a lot on this journey with autism. I used to be that lady standing in the grocery line wondering “why is that kid screaming?” Now, I no longer question it and whisper a prayer for grace and mercy instead.

This month, think about what you can do to lighten the load for a family near you!

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NKJV

ASD, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, Parenting, photography

Love is Kind…

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“Love is patient, love is kind”  1 Corinthians 13:4 NIV

Thus begins one of the most quoted paragraphs in the New Testament.

However, I tend to gravitate toward the NKJV and that version replaces patient with “love suffers long and is kind.”

I can see why the NIV version is far more popular than either King James Version.

Who wants to readily accept that to love will entail some suffering?

In addition, the emphasis on the “and” further dictates that we can “suffer” yet still be kind, amiable and not relegated to taking out our personal frustrations on the rest of the world.

Everyone is going to “suffer” something.

I’ve noticed that the attitude we have as we deal with “stuff” plays a major part on how well we can suffer through it.

I’ve watched people fall apart (a few times while looking in the mirror) when the load got heavy and no solutions loomed on the horizon. I’ve also witnessed people with incredibly heavy burdens carry them with such quiet strength and dignity you’d have no idea of the issues they faced day after day.

A few people I know who care or cared for a child, sibling or spouse are some the most pleasant people I know. They refuse to allow their circumstances to crush them, yet they were hardly in denial.

Love is Kind God autism and me devoional 2-10-2016They choose to trust God and keep going. They allow God’s love to flow through them.

I watched these ladies love others, give of themselves and perform random acts of kindness all while going through very taxing trials. They extended themselves for others far beyond what most people would expect as “reasonable” given their circumstances.

Through their examples, God teaches me how to keep my joy.

These ladies leaned on the Lord.  And when I say leaned, I mean leaned!

Learning how to be joyful and not remain self-absorbed taught me to not only stretch myself, but how to stretch my two sons as well.

Sometimes a gentle nudge garners a better result than mandating a regimented schedule or forcing an issue until you break a person’s spirit.

If you find yourself acting as the dictator in your family, or any place else for that matter, take the words of Sam Cooke to heart.

“Try a little tenderness.”

Pleasant words are like a honeycomb,
Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 16:24 NKJV

art, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, garden, Parenting, photography

Love Is Patient…

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Patience is one of those things I used to pray for.

My journey along the autism spectrum definitely tried my patience.

That first diagnosis of pervasive non-developmental disorder exacerbated my lack of patience. When my two-year-old wasn’t developing quite as he should, the psychiatrist’s verdict was wait and see.

Wait and see!?

I didn’t handle that very well.

My compulsion and desperation to “fix” things left me frustrated and anxious.

Trying to juggle our autism purgatory in the midst of everything else going on at the time stripped me of what little patience I did have.

I loved my family, yet my ever growing impatience shortchanged my efforts to show the love choked inside of me.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I Corinthians 13:4 NIV

Love is Patient B is for Blessed God autism and me devotional 2 2-2016I was neither patient nor kind.

I envied those who didn’t have my particular menagerie of issues, issues that sprang up rather suddenly and without warning.

Yet, God in His mercy made me stronger by forcing me through my fires and leaving me little choice but to learn patience.

Lesson after lesson.

I slowly stopped allowing circumstances to hold me hostage. I eventually learned to stop working toward happiness and to instead relax a little and receive God’s joy.

Time spent waiting for my miracles taught me every situation can be viewed any number of ways. I also learned there are always circumstances we are oblivious of when we are oh so quick to judge others.

Eventually, empathy and compassion grew in me as well.

It was not easy getting to this point.

Neither was it quick.

As our Father is patient with me, I know I should exhibit this trait toward others.

I am not always successful.

But, at least now, I try.

I am learning to recognize my own limitations and allow room for God to do the rest.

In His timing.

Patience keeps us from allowing the unexpected to knock us down and out.

Patience allows us to praise God for the smallest of blessings despite the bigger picture…

My journey along this autism adventure forces me to take a hard look at myself.

I don’t always like what I see.

Love is Patient B is for Blessed God autism and me devotional 3 2-2016Love is patient. Love is kind.

Hopefully, I can become these things as well…

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 NKJV

autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, mental health, Parenting, photography

One Little Drummer Boy…

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When I was a kid one of my favorite television Christmas specials was, “The Little Drummer Boy.” Even then, I always pulled for the underdog.

The gist of the story is about a poor orphan obsessed with playing his drum. This same boy was distrustful of people. To say he was anti-social would be an understatement. He found contentment only in playing his drum and spending time with his animal friends.

Sound familiar?

However, when his lamb is hit by a chariot the desperate orphan finds his way into the caravan of the Wise Men and seeks to go before the new Savior to find healing for his lamb.

This orphan was considered one of the “least” in society. He wasn’t regarded highly at all. Comparing himself to these Wise Men the drummer boy felt small. He had no title or status; he certainly wasn’t wealthy and really didn’t feel worthy to come before the King.

The three kings who traveled to see the Savior presented expensive gifts such as gold and myrrh. The orphan in contrast had nothing material to give. However, this child does give the only thing he does have, his talent. What appears to be the least compared to the expensive gifts of the Wise Men becomes the most.

The Savior smiles at him.

I tried at times to develop my child into one of the “Wise Men.” This story reminds me my child doesn’t need to detour from who God created him to become. His own inherent talents, like those of the little drummer boy, are more than enough.

Sometimes our children have talents (or obsessions) that seem minor to us because we don’t understand or appreciate them. Their gifts aren’t always highly regarded. However, the book of Matthew teaches us to take what we have been given and make the most of it!  Matthew 25:14-30

When we come before God nurturing what we have been given,  there is no need to look toward and compare ourselves to others. We are free in Christ to fulfill the purposes and the plans God intended all along.

Kids on the with autism often surprise adults when allowed opportunities to be who God created them to be. We must have faith that God has a purpose and a plan even when we can’t see it or understand.

I believe when we exhibit faith enough to trust God with our talents and our trials we too can say, “and then He smiled at me…”

Merry Christmas!

And when they had come into the house, they saw the young Child with Mary His mother, and fell down and worshiped Him. And when they had opened their treasures, they presented gifts to Him: gold, frankincense, and myrrh.  Matthew 2:11 NKJV

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope,” Jeremiah 29:11  NKJV

 

autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, mental health, Parenting, photography

The House of Mouse!

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Be careful what you pray for.

It is not that I don’t want my prayers answered. However, I’d rather not have a heart attack in the process.  Sometimes we are forced to face our fears when we receive the very things we ask God for.

My husband and I have encouraged Lan to learn his way around Orlando and become familiar with his surroundings. A couple of weeks ago he ventured out to the movies. He went bowling as well. We were happy to see him making his way around his community and finding things to do.

A week later, my husband called to see how he was doing.

Lan was doing great.

He was at Disney World!

Now, I’m thinking he went as part of a school activity or with a group of friends.

Nope!

Lan got bored and decided to take Uber to The Magic Kingdom.

Really!!?

I prayed for Lan to become independent and confident. I’ve asked for this as long as I can remember. However, I was not anticipating such an expensive excursion!

Once I got over the initial shock, I began to worry. My mind was quickly into overdrive, thinking about everything that could go wrong.

He could lose his debit card.

He could lose his wallet.

He could lose his phone.

What if someone tried to abduct him?

Though at nearly six feet, four and over two-hundred pounds, that one may be far-fetched.

Just this summer, the thought of Lan wandering around Disney alone terrified me. Now, he is exploring on his own without busybody parents!

Thankfully, all ended well.

If the photos on his FB feed are any indication, freedom feels great!

It only took Lan two months to make his way to the House of Mouse, easily his favorite place in the world. One family member commented she was surprised it took him that long to get there!

In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t take God long to bring the once shy kid out of his shell and equip him to maneuver the world without someone always at his side.

It probably took me way too long to view Lan as an adult and acknowledge that he can exercise those skills we so doggedly drilled into him.

Some people are goal oriented, and I suspect Lan achieved one of his that week.

What could be better than alone in the House of Mouse, free to enjoy it on his own terms?

Image may contain: 1 person, smiling, standing

This smile is a smile of growth, independence, and someone hopeful for the future.

Priceless!

Our prayers are rarely answered the way we expect, but the reward is no less when God does it His way.

Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much

James 5:16 NKJV

ASD, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, mental health, Parenting, photography

Orientation!

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Orientation, “to acquaint with the existing situation or environment,” Merriam-Webster

This academic year for my “baby” begins not just with a move to the next school but rather the next state.

Now, towering over six feet tall, the time has come where he stands alone.

Our week-long orientation begins today as he acquaints himself with his new academic environment. However, new school, new home and new people present plenty of opportunity for anxiety, especially so for anyone on the spectrum. Lan confessed to just a few while I’m praying hard not to fuel my own!

I choose to remember God got us this far by grace. Something more is in store. I could not envision this day just four years ago when he began high school. Lan and I have come a long way and if you’re living in the land of ASD you can too. Here are my words of advice for anyone raising special needs kids:

Enjoy the journey. I regret not doing this more. Don’t obsess over academic standards. Faith is more productive than fear. Fear of failure doesn’t encourage a child nearly as much as faith for growth yet unseen.

Laugh. I didn’t do that enough either. Don’t make the same mistake.

“A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” Proverbs 17:22

Try something new. Karate, piano and band were gateways for growth. If something doesn’t work you can always quit. This is a great way to uncover hidden talents!

Go with your gut! There was one teacher I didn’t care for but I allowed Lan to stay in the class. Big mistake. When we fall backward, God can catch us up, but learn to heed your God/gut instincts so you won’t have to.

Call in the reserves! People will help you if you ask. You can’t receive the relief you need if you brave it alone. Many people are affected by autism and other disorders as parents, grandparents, siblings, and friends. People can be kind and caring. They will help you. An hour of “free time” can equip you to manage your challenges. Take it!

Believe God for the impossible! Never stop searching for solutions. Resources you need are often hidden like treasure; but trust God and they will find you.

Don’t give up! Life can wear you down. Just keep it moving! The fastest person doesn’t always win, rather the one who doesn’t give up.
Run your race.

We can’t always outsmart ASD. Setbacks will knock us down. Still, there are times when we recognize the God/good in life that can leave us amazed!

As I become “oriented” to my new role of long-distance mom, my last prayer for parents is that you fight when necessary and rest when you can.

I’ve learned life’s hardest challenges can produce the greatest miracles.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.  Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11 [Full Chapter]

ASD, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, garden, mental health, Parenting, photography

Decisions! Decisions!

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Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. Psalm 25:12 NIV

 

Through the years we have come to crossroads where we had to make tough decisions.

When I began this blog Lan’s freshman year of high school, we decided that he would not attend the school he was zoned for.

He was devastated.

Still, he will graduate in two weeks with most of his friendships intact.

We had to decided private school or public?

We had to decide for and against extracurricular activities.

A four-year college or tech school? Lan’s desire to become a computer animator didn’t help matters either.

It seems there wasn’t a week that went by where we didn’t have to decide something…

Such is the season of raising a kids.

It took long enough, but I finally got over my fear of making a wrong decision. I’ve come to learn that God can make even my failures work out in the end.

One of the reasons I hadn’t posted lately was due my mother’s illness.  You can read about that trial here. The last thing Mommy asked me was if I had completed everything necessary for Lan to attend a school that offered him a scholarship.

She had already given her opinion about one school during her illness. It was a great school, but not so great for social growth. I think Mommy approved of our final choice because she passed away not long after.

I believe she decided that Lan would be just fine.

He always said he was moving to Orlando when he grew up. We just laughed it off.

Guess who’s laughing now?

It is probably without a doubt the hardest decision we have made.

When College Decision Day was celebrated at his school, Lan wore his Full Sail University t-shirt. All the college and military bound kids represented their various schools. It was quite the event, pep rally and all!

Sometimes we must decide to take chances when everyone else thinks we’re crazy. If we are ever to reach the heights God has for us, we must decide to be faith filled and fearless. Every hero in the Bible rose to greatness based on the choices he or she made.

Abraham chose to be obedient.

David chose to fight.

Ruth chose compassion.

Each of them was rewarded for following God instead of doing what everyone else in their situation probably would have done.

God calls us to choose.

We’ve decided that autism will not defeat us.

Lan decided that he will excel.

Autism may dictate some of our choices but it doesn’t have to prevent us from pushing through our
obstacles.


Choose to believe and trust God.

I promise, He will amaze you and you’ll be glad you did…

ASD, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, mental health, Parenting, photography

A Season of Thanks…

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The leaves where I live are now just turning vibrant and crisp.

Unlike the seasons, we can’t always predict what twists or turns we are going to have in life. Some of us with the best laid plans think we know what tomorrow will bring, but in reality we never know until that new day dawns.

I can anticipate that those trees will turn colors and loose leaves only to grown green and flourish in the spring. With my child, that pattern of familiarity was often lacking. We have spurts of great growth or gains, and then sometimes things cool off and go dormant. I always pray and hope for God’s best.

Uncertainty could keep me anxious, depressed and nervous. I admit it has done that before.

However, I choose to hope in things unseen and have faith in a God I can’t always see or hear, Who at times has been silent when I’ve called out, but Who has never once left my side.

“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,” Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV

I don’t always know just what season I am in.

I once thought I was in a season of growth only to be cut down to the ground. I’ve also been at my lowest and right on time, an unexpected miracle reminded me that God is ever with me.

I choose to be grateful for gains made and milestones achieved in this season of Thanksgiving. I am grateful for Lan’s great attitude. His “why not?” has kept him moving right along to his own rhythm and time but ever still moving!

a-season-of-thanks-god-autism-and-me-2-112016-devotionalI am grateful that autism has not overcome us.

It’s knocked us around a couple of times but we learned to fight back!

I may not be grateful for every experience I’ve had in life, but I am very grateful for everything I’ve learned from them.

God deals with each of us in ways as unique as we are.

I’m grateful for that too.

Knowing that God will get me through whatever season I am in allows me to face tomorrow not in fear but with a faith that whatever I need, God is more than enough!

Whatever your circumstance, give thanks for gains made and blessings yet to come.

Allow gratitude to define your attitude!

Enjoy a Very Blessed Thanksgiving!!

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind,”
2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV

“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you,”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV

ASD, autism, Christianity, Faith and Spirtuality, Family, mental health, Parenting, photography

Senior Night and Lessons Learned…

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Earlier this month we celebrated Senior Night. It was the last home game where each graduating band member, cheerleader and football player was presented on the field with family while the announcer spoke of their future goals.

This was a very big deal for my senior.

Big brother even flew in for the occasion to surprise him on the field and be at his side. Lan posted on Facebook it was one of his “happiest times!”

Celebrating that moment reminded me of all those years I was so preoccupied with the future I couldn’t enjoy my “present.”

I vividly remember stressing about making it through elementary school and his passing a bunch of standardized exams. The same cloud hung over middle school as well. A less than enthusiastic county psychologist and fear for the future kept me in a constant state of exhaustion.

For any parent, looking forward is natural. Yet, if we are always looking forward to be “done” with a phase, we blind ourselves to our blessings in the here and now.

It took me years to figure this out.

These days, I only need the occasional reminder to enjoy my “here and now.”

I could be stressed now about the upcoming ACT, not knowing for sure which schools are best for Lan, let alone figuring out how to pay for them!

We all go through our “somethings” in life that inevitably have the potential to turn us into better (or bitter) people. To say I’ve appreciated every “growing experience” would be a lie because many of them were quite painful.

Nevertheless, I give thanks that God allowed me to not only survive, but in some manner, thrive beyond those uncertain times.

My current “hot pot” causes me frustration for sure; still, I am determined not to allow my challenges to overcome me as before.

Watching Lan deal with autism and his determination not to be defined by it, has taught me how to better deal with my own frustrations. It has most certainly helped me put them in perspective.

golden-2-devotional-8-6-2016Through Lan, God has taught me how to take joy in small victories, not dismissing them while waiting for larger breakthroughs.

Lan has also taught me that hard work pays off and hard times eventually pass.

I learned goals keep us focused on the gains we strive to make.

I now see God’s grace in the little things.

Every day we “hang in there” is cause for celebration.

Labels only limit us when we allow them.

Angels come in all colors, shapes and sizes.

God is ever-present!

Senior night reminded me of family and friends who have been there for us every step of the way.

That evening also demonstrated the better side of humanity when students in the stands cheered loudly as Lan crossed the field.

I give thanks for teachers, counselors and administrators who worked with us to push Lan toward his very best.

I graduated school decades ago, yet I’ve learned more about God and myself these last years of “high school” than ever before.

I suspect I’m not the only one Lan has taught a thing or two…

Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong 1 Corinthians 1:26-27 NIV