Category Archives: garden

High Hopes!

“Next time you’re found, with your chin on the ground
There’s a lot to be learned, so look around
Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant”

My hopes haven’t always been high.

I’ve always been a “realist” even as I prayed to God for the miracles I sought. It is only in the past four or five years that I realized I wasn’t setting my “hopes” even remotely high enough.

As I began to see how God was using my son Lan to not only show me what He could do and would do for me, God also taught me to get my hopes up!

One small victory after another made me realize that I didn’t have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I somehow managed to let God be God and relax a little and truly trust God for the things I prayed for.

It has been my general experience that God responds to my level of expectation. The things I dare hope and dream for He brings (slowly) to fruition if I hope hard enough and trust that He can and He will.

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.  And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Romans 5:1-5 NKJV

 Hope does not disappoint.

I would rather hope for the best and be proven wrong than wallow in misery faithless.

Yes, there are things I will never understand. Yet, I cannot allow life’s disappointments to rob me of God’s peace when I choose to trust in Him.

Lan is asserting his independence more and more. He has “high hopes” for his future. If I tell him something’s not going to happen he just gives me “the look” learned from big brother that basically says I hear you but I’m not listening to a thing you say.

And that’s not always a bad thing.

I believe my past failures to hope as high as God would have me to do stem from listening to people instead of listening to God. If we are so tuned in to the multitude of “nos” coming from the choir, we will never hear God’s whispered “yes.”

Lan has confidence I never had at his age, partly because he had to work extremely hard to meet his goals. He learned far sooner than I ever did to tune out the “no.”

 I’m grateful to have come to a point where I can persevere and hope for God’s best fully aware that His best isn’t always what I want.

Hope does not disappoint.

“But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes
So any time you’re gettin’ low
‘Stead of lettin’ go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant”

 

**Songwriters: J. VAN HEUSEN, S. CAHN  High Hopes lyrics © BARTON MUSIC CORPORATION

B is for Blessed!

“Next time you’re found, with your chin on the ground
There’s a lot to be learned, so look around
Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant”

My hopes haven’t always been high.

I’ve always been a “realist” even as I prayed to God for the miracles I sought. It is only in the past four or five years that I realized I wasn’t setting my “hopes” even remotely high enough.

As I began to see how God was using my son Lan to not only show me what He could do and would do for me, God also taught me to get my hopes up!

One small victory after another made me realize that I didn’t have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I somehow managed to let God…

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Decisions! Decisions!

Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose. Psalm 25:12 NIV

 

Through the years we have come to crossroads where we had to make tough decisions.

When I began this blog Lan’s freshman year of high school, we decided that he would not attend the school he was zoned for.

He was devastated.

Still, he will graduate in two weeks with most of his friendships intact.

We had to decided private school or public?

We had to decide for and against extracurricular activities.

A four-year college or tech school? Lan’s desire to become a computer animator didn’t help matters either.

It seems there wasn’t a week that went by where we didn’t have to decide something…

Such is the season of raising a kids.

It took long enough, but I finally got over my fear of making a wrong decision. I’ve come to learn that God can make even my failures work out in the end.

One of the reasons I hadn’t posted lately was due my mother’s illness.  You can read about that trial here. The last thing Mommy asked me was if I had completed everything necessary for Lan to attend a school that offered him a scholarship.

She had already given her opinion about one school during her illness. It was a great school, but not so great for social growth. I think Mommy approved of our final choice because she passed away not long after.

I believe she decided that Lan would be just fine.

He always said he was moving to Orlando when he grew up. We just laughed it off.

Guess who’s laughing now?

It is probably without a doubt the hardest decision we have made.

When College Decision Day was celebrated at his school, Lan wore his Full Sail University t-shirt. All the college and military bound kids represented their various schools. It was quite the event, pep rally and all!

Sometimes we must decide to take chances when everyone else thinks we’re crazy. If we are ever to reach the heights God has for us, we must decide to be faith filled and fearless. Every hero in the Bible rose to greatness based on the choices he or she made.

Abraham chose to be obedient.

David chose to fight.

Ruth chose compassion.

Each of them was rewarded for following God instead of doing what everyone else in their situation probably would have done.

God calls us to choose.

We’ve decided that autism will not defeat us.

Lan decided that he will excel.

Autism may dictate some of our choices but it doesn’t have to prevent us from pushing through our
obstacles.


Choose to believe and trust God.

I promise, He will amaze you and you’ll be glad you did…

Senior Year!

Believe it not, my inspiration for this blog returns to high school at the end of the month!  It will be his Senior Year. And boy is he looking forward to it.

Lan got a preview of what to expect last year as his older brother just graduated.

Unlike his brother, Lan is very interested in enjoying every single perk Senior Year brings. He has already given thought to his Senior Night for Marching Band. He has said in no uncertain terms that he is going to prom. He even gave our relatives the date for his graduation when they were here last month to celebrate with his brother!

Lan intends to be just as celebrated and rightly so.  Even I’m amazed at how much he has grown and how far he has come.

I began writing this blog shortly after Lan entered high school. I was worried and nervous about what the future would bring.

I wasted a lot of time worrying. God had it all worked out, even though both Lan and I endured a few growing pains.

We’ve worked through bullies, biology and IEPs.

Lan worked extremely hard to earn As and Bs.

He is looking into colleges. I’m exploring vocational programs.

I can’t for one moment see what awaits us at the end of his senior year but we still press forward yielding little room for doubt.

senior year God autism and me 2 6-2016We may not know what the future holds but Lan is determined to work as hard as necessary to meet all of his goals. I have faith he will accomplish whatever he puts his mind to.

He proved he could handle the rigor of marching band.

He’s made friends.

Lan is no longer the little grasshopper I was so fearful for years ago.

He is now an outgoing teenager, no longer shying away from the fun or the noise.

I know many people who read this blog have kids younger than mine and high school seems so far away. But it is coming, and if there is any bit of advice I can give, it is hold on to hope.

No matter what the teachers, counselors, psychologist, or psychiatrist may think, it is only God who has the final say.

Keep your mind open for miracles.

Trust God.

Go with your gut.

These things have served me well.

When I finally stopped trying to orchestrate every single detail, God brought us the perfect teachers, counselors and even classmates that would bless us along our way.

Lan’s senior year will be unlike his brother’s. Lan’s journey has more curves in it. We can’t see what lies around the bend.

But that’s just as well because we have learned that God is most present we don’t see Him. We will walk forward in faith and trust that He is there.

And God is there for you as well, if you allow Him.

God may not have “cured” the autism, but He has surely “cured” me.

I can rest now.

Abide.

And I look forward to Senior Year.

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14 NKJV

May Daze!

The month of May is typically a whirlwind in our home. Our go, go, go schedule is usually augmented by celebrating Mother’s Day, a birthday, end of school activities in addition to Memorial Day.

Added to that list this year is a graduation.

In just a few days when my oldest graduates high school, the inspiration for this blog will become a senior.

And Lan is counting down the days!

Milestones like graduation make me pause and reflect.

This one is no exception.

I began this blog the start of Lan’s freshman year filled with fear and a host of other emotions.

The larger campus, louder kids and usual chaos of high school was challenging for him to say the least.

God autism and me May Daze 4 5-2016My little grasshopper who had to wait for halls to clear before leaving class now stands quite tall and maneuvers the masses with ease.

Freshman year was grueling but we made it.

Sophomore year proved he could be an honor student.

Junior year stretched him with marching band but Lan achieved his goal while maintaining good grades.

We had more than one hiccup or two, but they were readily resolved.

Bullies.

Incorrect class assignments.

Working out that IEP!

Still, there were far more blessings along the way.

Great principals.

Angels in the guise of school counselors.

Teachers that dared to pull out the best in him.

Classmates that cared.

Parents who had my back!

I can’t tell you the time or date but somewhere in these last three years Lan began easing out of his shell.

I am dazed amazed thinking about where he is now compared to where he once was!

This is a kid who struggled, really struggled, in elementary and middle school but is now an honor student.

I no longer cry fearful for his future. My trust in God has never been stronger.

I would never tell anyone to just dismiss the “experts” but I most definitely will say listen to God first and foremost!

Nothing is impossible with God.

God’s miracles correlate to the measure of our faith.

When things looked hopeless, God made a way.

May Daze 2 God autism and me 5-2016 devotionalNo longer in a fog and gripped with fear, these three things are crystal clear…

God’s faithfulness is unfailing.

The things that felt like they were squeezing the life out of me were actually molding me for the better.

I don’t need all the answers to enjoy this life. With God I am equipped for whatever comes my way even when I feel inadequate.

If you are feeling hopeless about the special needs person in your life, don’t.

We don’t always know what the future may hold but we most definitely know Who holds the future…

 May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13 NIV

Be Aware!

April is National Autism Awareness Month.

Some would say awareness is great and all but there isn’t anything the average person can do about it.

I beg to differ.

If you have a loved one with any special needs this advice isn’t new to you. However, you may want to share these tips with more than a few well-meaning people you know. One person can make a difference…

If you can’t say anything nice, etc., etc.

Comments like “I don’t understand why that kid is crying,” or “they need to do something with that kid,” are unnecessary and can be very hurtful. Your casual observation about a situation “you know nothing about” can be the salt in a wound of someone barely holding on. Your off the cuff remark while standing in line at the grocery store cuts to the core.

Instead, offer a smile or a nod that indicates it’s not the end of the world instead of frowning in disapproval. That gesture can mean the world to someone who wants that meltdown to end more than you do. Even better, allow that person to check out ahead of you so the parent can tend to that child.

Money is good but time is priceless.

Offer to babysit for that parent, especially that single parent who has no one to help them. There is no need to panic fearing they will leave you helpless with their child. An offer of a couple of hours during nap time or in the evening can provide that parent (or grandparent) time to think, get a coffee or effortlessly run to the store. These are things most of us easily do and take for granted.

God autism and me Be Aware devotional 2 4-2016Don’t compare.

Everything doesn’t work for everybody. I’ve yet to meet many parents who have left any stone unturned trying to find the best therapy for their child. Most parents are already under a lot of stress.  A special needs child can amplify that. Don’t suggest the parent isn’t doing all he or she can possibly do.

Just. Don’t.

Random acts of kindness are always appreciated.

A call or a text can do wonders for someone who may very well feel isolated and alone. A gift card for dinner or a coffee are good too. Something small to you can be the greatest blessing. If in doubt, ask God what you can do. I’m quite confident you will receive an answer!

Be inclusive.

Instead of worrying that a child may disrupt your plans for the “perfect”birthday party, think about how inviting that child can be a blessing.

A lot of kids with neurological disorders get left out because parents just don’t know what to expect. I’ve found kids tend to be a lot more accepting than adults.

I challenge you to ask.

Simply asking if a child might enjoy attending lets that family know you are thinking of them. Even if the child can’t attend, the parents will appreciate the gesture. I’ve watched firsthand how one child feels as his sibling go off with other kids.

Hardly a comprehensive list, but at least a few points to think about.

I’ve learned a lot on this journey with autism.

I used to be that lady standing in the grocery line wondering “why is that kid screaming?”

autism awareness month 2 2016Now, I know.

And for that I am very grateful.

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1:5 NKJV

Love Is Patient…

Patience is one of those things I used to pray for.

My journey along the autism spectrum definitely tried my patience.

That first diagnosis of pervasive non-developmental disorder exacerbated my lack of patience. When my two-year-old wasn’t developing quite as he should, the psychiatrist’s verdict was wait and see.

Wait and see!?

I didn’t handle that very well.

My compulsion and desperation to “fix” things left me frustrated and anxious.

Trying to juggle our autism purgatory in the midst of everything else going on at the time stripped me of what little patience I did have.

I loved my family, yet my ever growing impatience shortchanged my efforts to show the love choked inside of me.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” I Corinthians 13:4 NIV

Love is Patient B is for Blessed God autism and me devotional 2 2-2016I was neither patient nor kind.

I envied those who didn’t have my particular menagerie of issues, issues that sprang up rather suddenly and without warning.

Yet, God in His mercy made me stronger by forcing me through my fires and leaving me little choice but to learn patience.

Lesson after lesson.

I slowly stopped allowing circumstances to hold me hostage. I eventually learned to stop working toward happiness and to instead relax a little and receive God’s joy.

Time spent waiting for my miracles taught me every situation can be viewed any number of ways. I also learned there are always circumstances we are oblivious of when we are oh so quick to judge others.

Eventually, empathy and compassion grew in me as well.

It was not easy getting to this point.

Neither was it quick.

As our Father is patient with me, I know I should exhibit this trait toward others.

I am not always successful.

But, at least now, I try.

I am learning to recognize my own limitations and allow room for God to do the rest.

In His timing.

Patience keeps us from allowing the unexpected to knock us down and out.

Patience allows us to praise God for the smallest of blessings despite the bigger picture…

My journey along this autism adventure forces me to take a hard look at myself.

I don’t always like what I see.

Love is Patient B is for Blessed God autism and me devotional 3 2-2016Love is patient. Love is kind.

Hopefully, I can become these things as well…

My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. James 1:2-4 NKJV

God’s Eye…

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” Matthew 6:26-27   

  1. Why should I feel discouraged, why should the shadows come,
    Why should my heart be lonely, and long for heav’n and home,
    When Jesus is my portion? My constant Friend is He:
    His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
    His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.

    • Refrain:
      I sing because I’m happy, I sing because I’m free,
      For His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me. 
  2. “Let not your heart be troubled,” His tender word I hear,  rbn blg 2015
    And resting on His goodness, I lose my doubts and fears;
    Though by the path He leadeth, but one step I may see;
    His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me;
    His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.  

Lyrics by Civilla. Martin, 1905