I loved this post on Perceptions of Reality. It says everything about courage, hope and faith for the children we parent. With God all things are indeed possible!
Monthly Archives: November 2013
Turning Leaves
The leaves where I live are now just turning vibrant and crisp.
Unlike the seasons, we can’t always predict what twists or turns we are going to have in life. Some of us with the best laid plans think we know what tomorrow will bring, but in reality we never know until that new day dawns.
I can anticipate that those trees will turn colors and loose leaves only to grown green and flourish in the spring. With my child, that pattern of familiarity was often lacking. We have spurts of great growth or gains, and then sometimes things cool off and go dormant. I pray and hope that once again there will be renewal and continued growth.
This uncertainty could keep me anxious, depressed and nervous. I admit it has done that before.
However, I choose to hope in things unseen and have faith in a God I can’t always see or hear, Who at times been silent when I’ve called out, but Who has never once left my side.
“To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven,” Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV
I don’t always know just what season I am in.
I have once thought I was in a season of growth only to be cut down to the ground. I’ve also been at my lowest and right on time, an unexpected miracle reminded me that God is ever with me.
I choose to be grateful for gains made and milestones achieved in this season of Thanksgiving. I am grateful for Lan’s great attitude. His “why not?” has kept him moving right along to his own rhythm and time but he is still moving!
I am grateful that autism has not overcome us. It’s knocked us around a couple of times but we learned to fight back!
I may not be grateful for every experience I’ve had in life, but I am very grateful for everything I’ve learned from them.
God deals with each of us in ways as unique as we are.
I’m grateful for that too.
Knowing that God will get me through whatever season I am in allows me to face tomorrow not in fear but with a faith that wherever I am and whatever I need, He is more than enough!
Whatever your circumstance, give thanks for gains made and blessings yet to come.
Allow gratitude to determine your attitude.
Enjoy a Very Blessed Thanksgiving!
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind,”
2 Timothy 1:7 NKJV
“In everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you,”
1 Thessalonians 5:18 NKJV
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Photosynthesis….lets get into this!
Lan has done a pretty good job holding his own this first year of high school. However, biology has taken a bit more time and mental energy than he ever imagined.
I try to help him as best I can to study for exams and review material. His older brother (only by 15 months) is taking Advanced Placement biology and does his best to help him also. Lan’s enthusiasm for our efforts has been lukewarm at best.
However, this past weekend, He was very enthusiastic about his biology homework. I thought that was odd but decided to be grateful instead. A couple of hours later he bounces down the stairs and wants me to hear his new song. I’m befuddled but go along with it anyway.
Pho-to-synthesis…lets get into this!
Plants take water, sun and CO2…to make the sugar that they use for food!
Now his little song continues on explaining some not so simple chemical reactions. I was first impressed that he actually grasped the concepts in his lyrics but then secondly disappointed that I hadn’t come up with the idea to help him learn these lessons!
My mind then begins to wander. I begin thinking how much better he would be if he were in one of those private (and very expensive!) schools that cater to kids with ASD or learning disorders. I begin thinking about how farther along he would be academically if I were a stay at home mom and had the time to supplement the material he’s getting at school. My mind spins off in a hundred different directions of I’m not doing enough, I’m not providing enough, what kind of sad parent am I?
I only engaged in my pity party for a few minutes until I remembered that “I can do all things, through Christ who strengthens me,” Philippians 4:11 NKJV. I can raise this child to reach his greatest potential while I work more than full time, meet the needs of other family members and not go crazy in the process! I don’t have to be the strong one, through Christ’s strength I am able. It may not be easy, but I am able to do what is necessary.
I had to remind myself “my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus,” Philippians 4:19 NKJV. God supplies my needs not necessarily my wants! And truth be told, I probably don’t know what I want anyway. I have thought that I wanted to not work and stay home to meet every need of my child but I don’t want to be unemployed either! I surely don’t want God to meet one desire and in the midst of doing so I have to undertake a larger problem! Besides, I like the people I work with and the patients we serve. Staying at home full-time might be good for Landon (or not) yet it might be terrible for me!
God knows what I need and what I really want even when I don’t. I remember that I am indeed blessed and the trials I feel I may have to work through are for my development and so minimal compared to what others are facing! I have since redirected my thoughts to “rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer,” Romans 12:12 NKJV and turned the “what if” button in my head to OFF.
We are all tempted to second guess ourselves and even God from time to time. His timing has never been my timing and by now I should be okay with that (should be but still working on it). I am however confident His plans for our lives are better than anything I could ever put together.
I will continue to let God be…God. I will do what I can and trust Him to do the rest!
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope,” Jeremiah 29:11
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Do My Shoes Match?
As Lan is making it along in his first year of high school he is becoming ever so aware of other people’s perceptions. Somewhere along the line he has matured away from the kid who wanted to wear a sweater in the summer and shorts in the winter into someone with a true desire to be “handsome.” His word, not mine!
I find this kind of comical. Teenagers are often very self-aware and insecure about their looks, dress and a number of other things. Lan has for the most part been oblivious to all of this…until now.
He wants his shoes to match his clothes. He has even taken to swiping some of his older brother’s “cooler” clothes. No big deal for most but I am proud of him for his increased awareness of the people and things around him and his at urge to at some extent blend into the “normalcy” that surrounds him.
I have at times often wondered through the years when some major “turning point” would occur. I’ve prayed about certain things and then forgot that I prayed about them having prayed so much for one thing or another.
Progress begins in steps. Lan continues to make gains, some large and some small. God faithfully answers my prayers, even those long forgotten.
Simple things like dressing himself appropriately and other social cues that were once so foreign to him are steadily creeping into his consciousness.
I still have a long list of things I’d like to see Lan progress in. I will admit dressing appropriately isn’t even in the top twenty. However, I am grateful for this accomplishment even though I almost “missed it,” not realizing he hadn’t asked me or his father for clothes in months! We always picked his clothes out for him but somewhere along the line he began doing it for himself and doing a very good job at that!
Sometimes our minds are so fixated on the “major tasks” we are trying to carry out that we miss those minor milestones along the way. I am grateful for my blessings, truly celebrating all the gains and successes we have had this year. My every prayer has not been answered, but I have hope and faith that God is not done with us yet!
We are blessed beyond measure even as the ASD hovers in the background. I won’t allow “autism” to rob us of our peace or joy. It only serves as a point of reference for where we were to where we are now.
We are blessed in spite of diagnoses, IEPs, and a few social hiccups.
I’m grateful for gains socially, mentally, and even physically this year. Lan is building up both mind and body going with his dad to “la fitness” as he calls it. This child who was once weak and so uncoordinated is now hanging tough with his dad on the treadmill, elliptical and bench press. I never could have imagined this years ago!
Lan has friends at school who are nice to him. His new school is no longer a source of anxiety. High school has at least been embarked upon even if not fully conquered.
So much to be grateful for! Too many blessings to count. God is faithful even when I fail. He lifts us up when we are weak. He has provided us with angels here on earth.
Celebrate this season giving thanks for blessings large and small. I am grateful even for those small things that don’t really matter in life.
I’m grateful his shoes actually match!
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Cat Lady
Over ten years ago, our black cat Lucky showed up hungry and homeless. I thought we were a blessing to him but in fact he was a blessing to us, especially for my youngest son Lan. Lucky really pulled him out of his shell and made Lan more in touch with his surroundings. This all occurred during a crucial time when we weren’t exactly too sure how much talking Lan would ever do.
Fast forward ten plus years and here we are again. It’s Lan’s first year in high school and we’ve had a few bumps along the way, the latest of which was an upperclassman trying to bully my child. From what I can tell, it seems the cat or rather cats showed up at another pivotal time for him.
Several weeks ago, a family of stray cats took up residence at our house. At first we believed it was just a mama cat “Grey” as we call her and two kittens. I’d seen four kittens across the street weeks earlier but suspected something had eaten two of them.
Lan would continuously keep an eye out for them, making sure they were provided for as best we could. We would put out food and water. Lan never gave up hope that all the kittens survived. As usual, he can see the best in any given situation. His faith is at times is stronger than mine. I can learn a lot from my child.
Today Lan was proven correct!
All four kittens have survived, I found them sitting in rocking chairs on my porch. Lan’s hope was not ill-founded. His fascination with the cats and protecting them has been an escape I believe from the problems he was having at school. I suspect if not for the cats, the issue at school could have caused my child to “shut down.” As usual, God finds a solution when I don’t even realize I have a problem!
He is not a child of many words and we certainly don’t want to lose any ground that we’ve gained. I’m now grateful that mama cat and kittens have taken up residence.
How I’m going to round them all up and get them to a vet I don’t know. We have had four-footed angels before (even if our resident house cat has been more of a devil as of late). I will entertain our kitties for as long as I can and hopefully find them the best of homes. It’s the least I can do. And if that’s not possible, I’ll be content to be the cat lady on the corner.
My experiences thus far make it awfully hard to remember that I don’t like cats.
GOD, autism and me 