Lessons Learned!

“Those who are planted in the house of the LORD Shall flourish in the courts of our God,” Psalms 92:12

Tomorrow marks the last day of the school year. I began this blog in August upon Lan’s entry into high school. He was nervous. I was scared.

Ever thankful for God’s blessings along our way, I was still anxious and filled with trepidation about this new reality.

Well, we made it! One year down, three to go.

Lan’s last exam is today. He is doing well and should pass it without any problem. We are still waiting on test results from one EOCT (End of Course Test) for biology which is required to earn credit for the class. I am ever hopeful for a good result.

Since this blog practically began with his first day of school, I figured I’d share lessons I’ve learned this year.

Lesson number one, God really IS in control.

At the onset of the school year the huge crowds of kids were overwhelming. The para-pro assigned to assist Lan to his classes (the campus is large with several buildings) actually met my husband years ago.

I’m sure my husband had no idea of the role this gentleman would play in our lives. I am convinced the prior association worked to our advantage. The gentleman not only did his “job” but went above and beyond keeping us posted on how our guy was making out throughout the day. We deliberately sent Lan to this school because we knew the principal and counselor well. The para was an “extra” God through into the mix!

Lan didn’t require his help for long and after two weeks navigated on his own. Yet, I am forever grateful. It was one less thing I had to worry think about.

In addition, Lan had the same geography teacher who taught my oldest son last year. My husband established a great relationship with her then having no idea it would benefit us this year. God does order our steps!

Lesson number two, my kid is capable!

Lan’s teachers watched him come out of his nervous shell and become quite out-spoken! During the last IEP meeting, his math teacher played a video of him before the class explaining an algebraic problem and the steps to solve it.

My husband and I were floored. I’m convinced this kid has an alter-ego. His confidence increased under the care of supportive teachers. I suspect his charming demeanor didn’t hurt either.

Most significantly, Lan made new friends. Real friends. I often thought about him sitting alone at lunch. And for a while, he did.

But slowly, very slowly, he would mention who he ate with at lunch. One friend from middle school would join him on “odd” days when they shared the same schedule.

A new friend from the magnet school starting eating with him also. An upperclassman we know joined in “to watch out for him.” More kids from band class were eventually mentioned. Just last week, Lan told me he skipped eating lunch to sit with his friends and talk instead. How about that?

We have had a few “blips” along the way. However, Lan learned from them and wasn’t defeated. He is no longer upset I didn’t allow him to attend the school he is zoned for. He’s found friends at his school. I asked him recently how he felt about this first year of high school. I finally got the reaction I’d hoped for, “I like it.”

 Lesson number three, Iet go a little.

I am a micro-manage mom. I’m ever working on that, trying to allow both kids room to succeed and fail.  DSC_6962 (2)

Some lessons you only learn the hard way. Lan’s improving grades boosted his confidence. When he fails to study or prepare, he now feels the pain.

His social skills improved because I’m allowing more freedom to learn what works and what doesn’t. At the awards ceremony he didn’t sit with me or my husband. He founds his friends. At the band banquet my husband laughed that Lan quickly left him in a cloud of dust and had a ball.

Without me hovering, he can relax and figure it out. Lan will get the chance to relax for an entire week of summer camp at Clemson University. Last year when he asked about going away like his brother, I was like “not happening” in my brain. Well, a year later he’ll be off on his own adventure.

Sometimes I want to intervene but God says no, let Lan figure it out. And let Him guide my child.

I can’t always be there for Lan. But God can. I trust Him Who can do more for my child than I am able to provide.

Lesson number four, sometimes I just need to get out-of-the-way and let God be God. DSC_6420

 “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

 

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6 thoughts on “Lessons Learned!”

  1. Letting go and not hovering..I had to smile at that Lilka as I relate very much to this! I am so glad that now my daughter has found an Asperger-trained psychologist who can really help her and talk to her and treat her as the intelligent young woman she is and so she is able to have someone other than me to talk to and move forward with. Someone she trusts which is so important…
    I just wish that we had had the help when she was going through school. She was quiet and in the background to the point of invisibility which, I’ve come to understand, is very common for females with Asperger’s. Nobody listened and even our own doctor took a year of me pestering him to get a referral for her diagnosis.
    Why am I sharing all this now? I don’t know. But reading your post inspires me that with the right support I know my daughter will one day get back into life again and be able to make friends other then her online ones and live her young life. I just have to have faith and keep praying…
    I’m so happy to read all you share here for your son’s progress and I’m sure that he has passed all his exams with flying colours. You’ve all come a long way baby and God is so good!
    Soon it will be time for you all to take a breather, and very well deserved too.
    Have a wonderful weekend my friend…much love and blessings to you and your family 🙂

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    1. Sherri,

      You know I can relate and I know your daughter will be just fine. Like a momma bear, you persisted until you were able to find the assistance she needs.

      I think one of the reasons I began this blog was to inspire parents going through what we had to deal with ALONE.

      There is greater awareness now which is wonderful yet it is continually a journey. We are still waiting on the final biology grade but he’s passed all his other classes and the threat of summer school is fading away. Final grades are due today so say a prayer for us.

      Much love and peace to you as always! Lilka

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      1. Yes, you really are an inspiration Lilka, that’s for sure. I find such refreshment, encouragement, hope and comfort from both your blogs, your ministry. It is so wonderful to know that I can come here and that we can ‘talk’ like this as I know that we are not alone now, but we had to go through that time feeling like we were. It’s like getting a huge hug for this momma bear…from another momma bear 🙂
        Oh that is good news indeed, do let me know but it sounds as if the biology grade will be a pass too and so I pray for you today my friend for good news indeed…maybe you’ve heard by now. It is late at night here, so I’ll be off to bed soon. Don’t normally blog this late…
        Praying…and much love and peace to you too dear Lilka… 🙂 xx

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  2. Thank you for sharing this post. It truly is a journey in which much prayer is required. By the way, I purchased both of your books. I can’t wait to read and share the contends. May God continue to keep and bless you.
    Lionel Sneed

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    1. Thanks so much Lionel. I just got back from a psychology class where I got to speak a bit about my experiences. The focus of the class was sensory and perception. It was scary and exhilarating all at once. I’m not sure what God is doing with me 🙂

      I hope you’re giving thought to an autism blog of your own from a praying Dad’s perspective. I think you have a voice that needs to be heard. Peace! Lilka

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